adventures of a psychopathic magnet

moving.

so yeah. I have a new blog. goddoesnotwanthertolive.vox.com there are robots and awkward moments involved.

posted by lulu @ 1:54 PM 0 comments

Lap dance.

I want to say thank you to everyone for a great birthday. It won for most embarassing birthday, hands down. I never thought I would get a full scale lap dance by three men in drag (one of which I know is straight) in a fairly public place with my mom and boyfriend watching. All I can say Hazel is paybacks are a bitch. Although one upping that is going to be tricky. So I am open to suggestions.

posted by lulu @ 4:14 PM 0 comments

Uh...Happy Valentines Day...?

Instead of really paying attention in class today, I decided to take advantage of free wireless. Naturally since I brought something to do my political science professor decided to do something fun to mark this Valentines Day, NAZI PROPOGANDA FILMS! Nothing says love like and authoritarian regime that murdered millions. Now we, or rather he, is talking about people disappearing in Latin America under various dictators. All I can say is $20 says he is single and bitter. Very bitter.

posted by lulu @ 4:03 PM 0 comments

The Serious Post

Every so often there has to be one.

I wanted to let all 4 of you that read this know (I am in the process of telling everyone else) that I have stopped drinking. (wow, that makes me sound like a recovering alcoholic) I am not saying that I am giving up alcohol for good, but for now and probably awhile I will not be drinking. And if you invite me to say drinking games, a bar, a social mixer, after work cocktails or even a "hey, a couple of us are hanging out having a beer, you should come over" I will not be attending. It's not that I don't love you or that I feel all high and mighty because I am not drinking. It's nothing like that. This is how it was explained to me by the professionals after two incidents where people I knew were having A beer and it resulted in me freaking out, driving home and calling my mom sobbing. "alcohol has become a trigger for you. Your father and brother both have had alcohol related problems (DUI, caught drunk in school, ect) those issues and just the amount they drink have caused problems in your home life (near constant fighting between my dad and brother, my dad moved out when my mom told him that they could only work things out if my dad got help with his own drinking problem ect). Not to mention you and your dad has several friends who have their own alcohol related problems. Instead of being a social norm like it used to, alcohol now brings up all of these negative aspects."
The good news is all of this should eventually work out. In the meantime I have a few requests for you and things I would like you to know. Even though I will proabaly not attend, I don't freak out just hearing there will be alcohol involved, I have worked on that. Please don't do the emotional check up if we are somewhere that people are drinking. I know you mean well and I love you for caring, but that is usually the point where I am no longer able to keep it together. If I want to talk about it or have hit a point that I need to talk about it, I will. If I decide to seclude myself from everyone for awhile, don't feel you need to keep me company. I have no issue being by myself, afterall I do live alone. I have no issue talking about past drunken moments, chances are we have swapped stories in the past few weeks even though I have had no desire to drink in months.
All this being said I need to go buy a giant bottle of french lemonade so i can pop a cork at midnight too. I thank you all for your support and understanding.

posted by lulu @ 12:52 PM 0 comments

I'm That Guy.

You know how during every blizzard there is that one guy walking around going "what the hell? where did all this come from? why did no one warn me?" even though the weather reports have been screaming that it is going to snow a shit ton for like a week and a half? I'm that guy. I had no idea a giant snowstorm was coming. I heard a few inches possible like monday but not a blizzard...that is until several of my co-workers suckered me into covering their shifts. Yesterday the second co-worker asks if i can cover her 1-6 on thursday, after i agree she thanks me and says "I don't know if I will be able to get out of my house on thursday! They are saying 17 inches or more!" oh you whore! you suckered me out of bed for a blizzard?! The guy at the gas station this morning said now the amount was increased to between 17 and 26 inches!! I left Le Crunk this morning in dress shoes i had packed for work, a medium warmth coat walking into the wind muttering to myself "I did not see this coming! Stupid co-workers! know i don't watch the news and am broke so will take their hours. son of a BITCH!"

posted by lulu @ 8:24 AM 1 comments

My Favorite Yahoo News Headline.

Russia no longer murders spies: KGB veteran

hear that James Bond?

posted by lulu @ 12:36 PM 0 comments

This Week Blows.

since monday the following things have happened:

-a really good friend has started a complete manic depressive breakdown, started monday, tonight there were midnight calls to her family because she cut her arm up pretty good, refused to go to a doctor wouldn't call her parents so after some lightning research and several calls i finally got ahold of her folks. she never wants to speak to several of us again because of this.

-my dad moved out of my parents house. It doesn't look like that will be fixed any time soon.

-my car first dumped three inches of snow on me with it's haunted sun roof then broke down in the middle of an intersection.

-i had a giant term paper to write while all of this was going on.

-everyone at work on tuesday saw me cry, plus some random mall employee found me sobbing on a loading dock.


but Will bought me candy. and milk. in a snowstorm. I love him.

posted by lulu @ 3:53 AM 3 comments

Figures.

So I haven't really been able to breathe very well for the past week and a half, well this morning to add to it I have a cold. So my voice is on the fritz, coughing and no one knows what is happening. Though several coworkers have offered their diagnosis. my favorite:

Eunice: Maybe you have strep
Me: I don't think so. I shared a bed with someone who had strep for 4 days and I didn't get it then.
Eunice: (turning to Hazel) YOU HAD STREP!?
Me: I didn't share a bed with Hazel!
Hazel: *to me* Dude, I told you everyone thought we were gay! *to Eunice* Lauren didn't share a bed with me! Her boyfriend had strep!

posted by lulu @ 10:22 PM 1 comments